i feel reali heart broken seeing my grandpa in that state. i dun even know if it was a good choice to have sent him to the hospital, when things are just worse than before. i know i might appear cold and heartless, but i can't possibly breakdown in front of my parents or sister when all of them are so tired and sad. But all the emotions just kept accumulating. And u were there for me. No matter how busy u were. Just listening to me, hugging me when i cry. i'm reali thankful for that. Pui pui boy, thank u so much..

All i wish now is for grandpa to recover. To eat mashed potato and waffles and play mahjong like he used to. i swear i won't mind him screaming at me for being too slow in deciding which tile to discard. Pls get well.

i feel as though if i feel happy with something this moment, the next moment something else will be taken away from me.

Kind of had a long talk wif my dad.. i said so much stuff tat i won't usually think of saying to him.. But i guess it makes us both feel better after tat.. i guess.

Is this how it should be?
i dunno if it's me demanding too much of others, but honestly, i dun request much lately already.
i reali dunno wat to expect anymore. Some things r just too damn disappointing.

:)
Happy happy!!

Moody moody moody :(

Have u ever wondered if u'll ever be forgotten by ur loved ones if u passed away?

Since i'm quite a pessimistic person, i have tot of it.. i'm not too sure about others, but i find it difficult to forget about those ppl i love, who have already left this world. i'll still think of them, even if it's reali painful. It always brings tears and regret.

N honestly, i don't think i'm an exceptionally nice, kind, humorous (etc.) person, after i die, ppl would probably not remember or miss me.. i'm not trying to sound pathetic or wat, but it's just human nature to forget things over time.. Plus i'm just a nobody, not a Nobel prize winner or whatever, i doubt anyone will remember the person by the name of Hui Min. U either got to be a reali good person, or seriously mean person so tat ppl can remember u. But i rather ppl remember me cos of the good stuff than to hear my name n start swearing. Lol..

i'm pretty random these few days. Feeling kind of weird emotionally. No idea why. Maybe it's cos i've been keeping to myself too much. Life's short, leave no regrets. Although we r considered young now, we'll nv know if we can live to see another day. So do n say wat u mean to the ppl u treasure. N for now, i've got an aim, i want to be more cheerful n less gloomy.. i reali want to smile super alot, to be happy from within. It's reali time to love myself more, it's reali tiring to be sad or to cry.

Kind of had a heart to heart talk with someone, whom i least expected myself to talk to..

i love:

1. Ppl with beautiful heart
2. Sincere ppl
3. Ppl with good voice


i think the combi of these traits makes an angel.. LOL.. Just random tots.. Cos my idea of angels r those with beautiful character (not necessarily with beautiful faces), hugging harps and singing.. LOL.. Omg, i have no idea wat i'm talking about, my tots r everywhere. i'm unable to fall asleep cos of a veri silly thing..

It's reali scary how someone can know u better than u know urself.
Feels reali vulnerable in a way. But if it's someone u can trust, u'll not worry tat the person will hurt u..

Sometimes i wish tat life can be much more simple, not this complicated.
To say 'i love u' to those u reali cherish, without thinking if it will sound silly. To be yourself, n not feel compelled to please anyone.

Someone told me before tat i can make my life easier by ignoring wat ppl think n wat they say. But, it's easier said than done.. Reali dun know if i can ever get to experience this sense of freedom in expression.. N i dun want to just live my life according to wat ppl say or whatsoever.. For 20 yrs, i've been following blindly.. i guess i'm tired of it.. Feeling kind of lonely, as in emptiness. i reali dun know why i m feeling this way. Maybe it's just smt i have to get used to.. But i reali reali dun want to become a emotionless person, numb to emotions.

i know my post like damn emo nowadays, but too much things happened lately.. Kind of made me reflect n see wat i want in my life, n wat i should give in or give up. i'll be fine soon.. As soon as the negative stuff clears, n after i sort out my tots..

i'm reali getting worried over loads of stuff.. N they're all not minor.. i reali dun noe how to handle them..

Sudden urge to blog about this special person in my life..
But there's so much i want to say tat i dun noe where to start..

There's always so much so much emotions in my heart when i think of him, most r good though.. It's funny how someone can just find his way into ur heart unknowingly, takes over ur emotions.. Makes u want to change urself to make him a happier person.. i dun noe if he notices the changes or likes it, cos he's quite bad at expressing himself.. But i just love him the way he is, clumsy, forgetful, noisy, playful, caring, funny.. We have arguments, we fight over small stuff, but just a hug from him, i'll be alright.. No matter how sad or angry i'm, his 'self-invented' magic tricks will nv fail to make me smile.. i love how he shows his jealousy, how he trusts me..

It's so amazing tat we're already more than 2 yrs old, when i was still quite pessimistic about us at the start.. Dearie, i dun know how long we will last, but i just want to tell u tat, if i have a wish, tat would be to hold ur hand n be tgt with u forever.. i know it sounds stupid, cos i used to think tat love will never be forever.. But it's u tat i believe.. i'll cherish u, cos i know it was reali hard for u from the start, n tat u held on just for me.. i'm sorry.. Thank u for being by my side, even when it was so tough for u.. No one will understand fully wat we went thru, just like how i probably will not fully understand the stuff u had to handle.. i'll learn to listen more, argue less.. Thanks for putting up with my boyish character, wilful acts n bad tempers.

Although i know u don't often read my blog, i reali reali want to say i love you..
Thank u for the smiles n for loving me, even though i'm so flawed.. i reali love you, precious..